This Resurrection Sunday

What makes resurrection Sunday any different from the last. Nothing really if you are not counting the fuller and fuller understanding of the magnificent sacrifice of Jesus Christ at the cross on the hill of Calvary. The light of this understanding is what i long to live in. Never aside but fully under and in it because it truthfully is safest place to live. I can imagine being anywhere else than here. No i am not where i want to be but i rather be fighting on the way to the place i just described. To be covered under the blood of the cross is a yearning greater than i can imagine because it means my connection to Jesus to god the father. My lord allow me to hear your voice again, see your face and hear your magnificent sound. Teach me your ways. Guide me to the same cross. To once and for all give you it all. I surrender to you lord. It is my hearts deepest contrition, just to be yours and living in the light of your love. Why is it i run from you? I know you mean me no harm just to give me life. Yet i run with reckless abandon to death. I turn to my porn, disobediences, stiffneckedness, my relationship, sex and other things that could give me release food and masturbation. All of them to none affect all of them to my own detriment. I end up addicted, hurt acting stupid, in a idolatrous relationship, overweight and tired and still hurt. In fact even further in place full of separated from my life and peace. Lead me back to you. Lead me to your cross where you shed your blood for my sins listed above and ones i dont have listed. Bring me back to you. Because i cant come back and stay back. I need to be free from this fleshy war but i guess i will when i turn to you. So with all i have on this resurrection Sunday i turn to you.