Most Recent Dream
Ever since this past Sunday I have been deal with my struggle with voyeurism. I know my victory comes from God but the temptation of this has gotten so strong its beginning to invade my dreams.
Last night I had dream about two twins a and b. One of the twins (A)I knew and like and even wanted sexually. The other(Twin B) just looked like the girl I wanted. It was apparent that this was a extramarital affair because I was trying my hardest to avoid the one I wanted.
Even in my avoidance I found myself running into the twin B in a way that I wanted to see and have twin A. The weird thing is that A was in hot pursuit while B was really paying me any attention. It was a moment when I encountered both A and B. At a certain point I succumbed to A and as soon as that happen both A and B were all on me and I kind of liked it but a sense of guilt began to maximized even over the struggle that I felt while trying to fight.
The Message in the Dream
Jesus said " If a man looks on a woman to lust, he has already committed adultery in his heart."
My dream is walking understanding of the fight I am dealing with. But it is manifested in the way it has always manifested. The greatest chasm of fantasy and opportunity. You see fantasy and opportunity are twins. Its uncanny and very intentional in how they work.
" As a man thinketh so is he." and " To the defiled all things are defiled to the pure all things are pure."
Biblically speaking the dream I had confirms the truth revealed in his word is true for me.
As young I was told this in situation very similar. When you continue to fantasize and fantasize you set your self up for the fall. You don't even have to have 40% of it because you have already set the situation up in your mind. Twin A is lust an evil desire, desire that I want but is wrong. Twin B is an opportunity that matches vision. Twin B is the image of the evil desire I have. When I succumb to A I get both. The liturgy used for sin is the same.
" Let no man say when he is tempted that he is tempted by God, for God cannot be tempted neither does he tempt anyone. When man is tempted he drawn away by his OWN lust. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death."
My sense of guilt that I felt is the stain of sin upon my conscious before a holy and righteous God, a moral failure. It is a critcal blow to my relationship with my wife and with my savior.
I find myself leaning to God more in these times because the battle is not with the twins though they are desirous its with me. James said " Your own lust." And that is where I start my battle.
Vision
" A friend will re enter your world to take you back 20 years. Do not consent to go back. The enemy is sending them to destroy you and pull you away from my will for your life."
As I think about this slowly I can only think of few people that I can draw 20 years from. Given my challenge with women, I can only think of women. And one woman in particular that I can safely say that I have known and known of for 20 year.
Word to the Wise: " A word to the wise is sufficient."
I have only had minimal moments when God would speak to me like this. However when he has sent a prophet word or dream like this it has almost always happened.
Prayer
You have my attention. I hear you and I see you. Now I am asking you would you heal me. Would you take out of me what is so offensive to you. Can you make me like you? Can you help me overcome this sin. This disgraceful end the enemy has setup for me. Lord I surrender to you know you are my help in the time of weakness. Lord I desire your love and desire your strength to be all you call me to be. I thank you for sending my deliverance in a word of warning.
Lead me and keep me. I want to be led and I want to be kept. Give me the word to build my faith and give me the word to build my faith. I put my trust in you.
