The Moon

Observe the moon. Note its intensity. Stands as a titan in the night sky. No amount of light pollution on earth could ever hide the magnificence of its gentle rays. Like the moon, I do my best work in the dark. Like the moon, I draw on the power of the Son to be the light in the darkness. Like the moon, my position allows me to see and be light. While its dark I can still see the Son. The comes a point when the earth's shadow blocks the very ray I need to be who I am. Does that cause the moon to cease to be the moon. Isn't the momentary eclipse of the moon sustained only for a short time? Does not the moon return to is its illustrious brillance in the night sky? Like the moon, I receive a time each month where in I am blocked from visual appeasement. Like the moon, when the Son is in the sky, I hid in plain sight. Like the moon, I do not contend with Son, rather I am completely comfortable being who I am. I have a place in the world. I have a purpose. I have a function. This is my soul purpose to be a reflection. To be the sight of hope on the other side of the earth. That my existence and exuberance notes and signs that the Son is yet shining. That there is no such place as darkness, light is always present. Like the moon, I recieve the Son...Jesus Like the moon, I reflect his glory that shines upon all men. Like the moon, I cease to have relevance if the Son does not shine on me. Like the moon, I need the Son to be who I am.

Watch Yaself Boi

The worst thing I think a man could be is one that goes back on his own values. He becomes repulsive and reprehensible of the people he associates with. His words while inherently have value becomes skewed and turned into something that makes it better for him to have never said anything in the first place. While he is not evil, his actions become a breeding ground for evil doing. Destructive and innately problematic when you do dont live up to your OWN words. The situation: I am attracted to a young lady with whom I work with. She is physically appealing and she carries a very down to earth relatable spirit. But the attraction is romantic and I can see it becoming a problem with the woman who I am engaged to. It is a direct threat and I am welcoming it into hostile teritory where it will be met the utter destruction of a love life I have labored to create. The issue I am engaged but attracted to someone else. I am not willing to leave the 80 for the 20 but I am going to tell you the truth that 20 is looking damn good. What I am going to do is be like this. I am going to clear my head and really think about what I am doing. Because at the end of the day.... I love Raven and I dont want to destroy a love for a like. Watch yourself son, your eyes are bigger than your belly.

Choice is the Opportunity

I was watching Matrix Reloaded. Neo had just made it to the architect and they were going over his anomaliness. Explaining how it was combination of him creating it a more real world for the matrix made it so that people had to choose to believe what they were living. Consequently Neo discovers that choice is the issue that makes living so difficult as well as creates his position as the One. So then this leads me to my reflection of my life choice creates a dynamic in the human life that makes it so that life is what it is. If i choose to kill or even to engage in a premartial sexual lifestyle i reap consequences of choice i made. Rather me getting the death penalty, getting off Scott free to get beat up by the one i murdered. Our life is inexplicably tied to our wise and or poor choices. With Christ i have the opportunity when it comes to what i choose. I can choose my own selfish desires or choose satisfy the divine requirement to enjoy a wonderful life. But either way it spells surrender to a way.

Made of more

I am fed up with my consistent falling. The landing is painful. You would think that when you get into sexual issues with someone you love it would draw you near to each other. Its the opposite to draws away from each other. More lonely than i was before i made the decision to walk against the grain. Co habitation , premarital sex and extramarital sex are just teases of the real thing. No matter how much you want to think that all of these things will peel back the layers of connection that are thrown up. Nothing will ever match marriage. The act of God binding two people to become one person that serves him. Moves in unity and complete and utter obedience and awareness of all around them.

I imagine the person i am making us is someone who wont even move just look like he will.

I was made for more than this. I am not taking down. This is not it. I am not about this life. It time to kiss it goodbye.

This Resurrection Sunday

What makes resurrection Sunday any different from the last. Nothing really if you are not counting the fuller and fuller understanding of the magnificent sacrifice of Jesus Christ at the cross on the hill of Calvary. The light of this understanding is what i long to live in. Never aside but fully under and in it because it truthfully is safest place to live. I can imagine being anywhere else than here. No i am not where i want to be but i rather be fighting on the way to the place i just described. To be covered under the blood of the cross is a yearning greater than i can imagine because it means my connection to Jesus to god the father. My lord allow me to hear your voice again, see your face and hear your magnificent sound. Teach me your ways. Guide me to the same cross. To once and for all give you it all. I surrender to you lord. It is my hearts deepest contrition, just to be yours and living in the light of your love. Why is it i run from you? I know you mean me no harm just to give me life. Yet i run with reckless abandon to death. I turn to my porn, disobediences, stiffneckedness, my relationship, sex and other things that could give me release food and masturbation. All of them to none affect all of them to my own detriment. I end up addicted, hurt acting stupid, in a idolatrous relationship, overweight and tired and still hurt. In fact even further in place full of separated from my life and peace. Lead me back to you. Lead me to your cross where you shed your blood for my sins listed above and ones i dont have listed. Bring me back to you. Because i cant come back and stay back. I need to be free from this fleshy war but i guess i will when i turn to you. So with all i have on this resurrection Sunday i turn to you.

The End of the Beginning

Here I am Again. At a junction that i have no previous experience with which makes it so challenge to act " wisely". I find myself being bitter and excited all at the same time because the promise of what it brings a cost of a sacrifice but a promise of new understanding and knowledge. I'm struggling with just learn to let things go. Perhaps because i feel as if it came at the time when i need to rejuvenate to get back on track. But what remains true is that opportunity is here and now i have the opportunity to make like a mad man and head for it... Why must making decision include the well being of others? It inescapable because nothing we can do to get out of the fact what we do effects other both positively and negatively, rather its private or professional. The world is filled with people making decision both for themselves and other. Not always favorable but at the end of the day we cant always things about other sometimes we have to choose us. This must be that time.