Here it is late about 12:10. Im up just reflecting on my life.
I dont know i have just been in that mode. The so many things i am unsure of. Im unsure of my future, what will be in it, who will be in it and what it will be.
Upon my struggle to identify what it will be i came to an understanding.
You can easily define a future with out a person. Or remember your past and forget some important people who were instrumental in your development. Or even forget to thank the people involve in your success right now but what you cant do is say your existence with out Jesus Christ. At least for me that is. I can not think of the life i would have led without him, Or how life would be without him, or how bad it would be if i didnt have him now. The reality of this whole understanding is my future really doesn't belong to me. I'm just an instrument that God wants to use to his glory and to everyone's benefit. It would seem a bit nilistic to say this but if we were to line fact. If you know how much God has done for me and how he has equipped me to be who i am and how i am it would make complete sense.
It doesnt mean that my will is null and void. Its just means that the options that are left do not fit. I am made for what i do. The struggle and suffering in between is between me doing what i know does not work and finding what i do.
Whatever the case maybe my soul is satisfied with what God has for me because he loves me.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Friday, April 23, 2010
Thinking.....It works to benefit.
Hear it is the Friday I'm sitting at home i deep thought about my life. I'm in a ponder mode as i would call it. I'm really evaluative of things that have taken place, the people i can come in contact with, the friends i have lost and overall the life i am leading. I have to say that one thing remained true. Times good or bad God has provided for me. I reflect on these things and I'm so thankful that he shown his grace and mercy on me to help me live this life. I understand his word deep because i do it. I understand cause and effect relationship and that the things that i purpose to happen will only happen if i do it or rather set it in motion.
Its so good to know that God has stayed with me through it all. Even though i don't have everything the way i wanted it Life is Good. God has been good to me.
I'm more and more excited about the things that go on in my life. Right now I'm involved with a young woman named Raven. She is wonderful, the best thing since sliced bread, the lobster tail on my seafood platter of love as it were. But as good as she is our relation is kind of on the rocks.
I would say the rocks of reality. I did a awful amount of blue skying with her that kept our heads in the sky rather than right where we need to be. This phrase"The rocks of reality" is only symbolic of what we fight on a regular basis. That is idealism vs realism. What makes idealism so provocative and so favorable to chase is that it is possible to achieve. Where realism makes its most profound argument is the process of achieving the ideal. Yea a doctorate is almost practically guarantees a good monetary life and you could have it at 28 if you start college right out of high school. Yea its possible but not realistic.
With that though i have found that what i have in my relationship with Raven is real. The base upon which can build a successful(possible) marriage in phase of being built. The goal in this phase or state rather is to get to place where everything and everyone is where they should be.
I am so enamored with making that happened until its ridiculous.
However what gives me encourage about what I'm going through with this relationship is to see that what God told was going to happen is happening. Its good to hear his words..always go deeper than just your auditory canals. The bible says" Man shall not live by bread alone but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of Him."
As far as work i have a couple of interviews on the horizon which i am happy about. I get to go back to work which i haven't been working for a year now. Or rather it will be in July.
But I'm so glad he answers prayer.
Its so good to know that God has stayed with me through it all. Even though i don't have everything the way i wanted it Life is Good. God has been good to me.
I'm more and more excited about the things that go on in my life. Right now I'm involved with a young woman named Raven. She is wonderful, the best thing since sliced bread, the lobster tail on my seafood platter of love as it were. But as good as she is our relation is kind of on the rocks.
I would say the rocks of reality. I did a awful amount of blue skying with her that kept our heads in the sky rather than right where we need to be. This phrase"The rocks of reality" is only symbolic of what we fight on a regular basis. That is idealism vs realism. What makes idealism so provocative and so favorable to chase is that it is possible to achieve. Where realism makes its most profound argument is the process of achieving the ideal. Yea a doctorate is almost practically guarantees a good monetary life and you could have it at 28 if you start college right out of high school. Yea its possible but not realistic.
With that though i have found that what i have in my relationship with Raven is real. The base upon which can build a successful(possible) marriage in phase of being built. The goal in this phase or state rather is to get to place where everything and everyone is where they should be.
I am so enamored with making that happened until its ridiculous.
However what gives me encourage about what I'm going through with this relationship is to see that what God told was going to happen is happening. Its good to hear his words..always go deeper than just your auditory canals. The bible says" Man shall not live by bread alone but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of Him."
As far as work i have a couple of interviews on the horizon which i am happy about. I get to go back to work which i haven't been working for a year now. Or rather it will be in July.
But I'm so glad he answers prayer.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Why??
why do we live in a world were the things that dont matter make the difference?
And why is the things that makes the most difference, the things that which affect everyday life are stripped of importance?
Why is we care more for the crackhead in the street and not give to flying fucks about our own family?
What is in our head to the point to make us respond in a manner that does not promote life and well being?
I dont know and i do not have the answer but what i do know is that the path to change is obvious. What is obvious is that the things that are recommended are not working.
I want to make this call out to all people especially the african american people and say it no longer makes sense to kill each other, infact it never did. Its not acceptable for people to even misconstrue a 19 year girl getting shot in the head by a 42 year old woman over some shorts.
HOw about we take a look at ourselves.
And why is the things that makes the most difference, the things that which affect everyday life are stripped of importance?
Why is we care more for the crackhead in the street and not give to flying fucks about our own family?
What is in our head to the point to make us respond in a manner that does not promote life and well being?
I dont know and i do not have the answer but what i do know is that the path to change is obvious. What is obvious is that the things that are recommended are not working.
I want to make this call out to all people especially the african american people and say it no longer makes sense to kill each other, infact it never did. Its not acceptable for people to even misconstrue a 19 year girl getting shot in the head by a 42 year old woman over some shorts.
HOw about we take a look at ourselves.
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