All I want is Peace

Here is has been a couple months after the incident with Raven and i am still in conflict. Not so much with but with myself. I feel as if i am stuck in a rut. No matter how hard i push it seems like i get back to the same spot. I want to give up but i dont want to stay where i am. Constantly using people to make feel better about myself. It really sucks. There is a reality i dont want to embrace but i am going to have to embrace, that i am going to be here until i get out. im going to get over it when i get over it. Im probably am going to have to get really fed up with before i really move and become extreme with the things that must be done. It wouldnt be so bad if i could find peace over the whole thing. I would be fine if i knew for sure that the next set of moves that i was told to do would be exactly what god wants me to do to get out. This place dont feel good, out of touch with everyone, desire things that i am not emotionally ready to handle, falling back in the same pit trap over and over again. Its tiring and its fruitless and it makes life seem worthless. But there has to be more to it than this. That i have come this far successfully learn the things i know now. Not so i can not use them, so i can end right here at this spot.

I looked up over my bed by my window and saw two things taped on the wall. A picture of me and my father in a frame and a peice of paperr with names on it. The picture reminded me of the happiest days of my life. i didnt have much to worry about but doing what my parents told me to do and spending time with them. It felt as if i was directly connected at the hip to my parents. Probably because i was, i felt safe abd secure because i knew they wouldnt let me go nowhere that would make me miserable.
As i got older and into my relaationship with God it was the same way he lead me in paths that paid off for me and kept me happy. that kept me focused, that kept me. Some where along the line i lost that. So it only made those people who i wrote down on that peice of paper somewhat of a burden that i do not have the passion for because im still gone. I want it back.