Hear my voice and know that its me!

No longer will i lie in wait for life to happen i will take hold of that which has been given to me. I SHALL LIVE!

No Solace ~ Without Jesus

My life at this point is a desperate search the Lord's ways. Each i grow agitated with my flesh. My desire is to for one day sit in state of complete awareness of Him. That i might see his face. That i might feel his emotions. That I might share in His Joys. So that I can feel His love and resulting desire to see all of mankind be reconciled back to Him and be holy as he is Holy. It is far too much to ask for an outer body experience but at this point i would welcome it.This one thing I do know, following after Him is tough. If I can get to the place where I just hear the voice of the lord. I will be happy to just listen and follow his instructions. To part take in the divine it has been given unto me. Now to take the bread to my lips is the challenge. Its the challenge to find his Holy place and abide. This will i do follow him and until I have Him. Until I am full of His glory His Love His Power His strengthen, His holiness.

Teach me how to love

I was recently having a conversation with my lady about being married and she said something that disturbed me. " It's not that i want to impress you, i just want to be as close to perfect as possible." Who am i that she needs to change who she is JUST to love me? How fair that she cannot accept herself the way she is before we can talk about a life long commitment. I need to learn how to love the way my father loves. He doesn't love me because he made me his. He loved me when i was in oppositioin to Him. He yet loved me when i sin against Him. He holds avenues to which i can get better. If He can love me that way then i can love her similar to that. I need to learn to love the way he wants me to. I cant go on living like this wherein people must change in order for me to content with their actions before me like i am the heaven father. I am far from and I am far closer to the same playing feild then she thinks and i hope that i can correct this grave error before its too late.

Thank you Lord for allowing me to see this. Now i need your power to walk me through this. You said you would never leave me nor forsake me, so i ask you to lead me and guide me into all truth specifically as it concerns relationships. i dont know how to love. If i do possess this knowledge my ablilty to express this love is shabby more imperfect than i can percieve. Lord i need you to show me how you want this done. Just as i need you to know how to live. I put my trust you and you are my refuge and my shelter.

This is a first.

Long ago i accepted Christ as my Lord and savior and didnt know what i was getting myself into. I knew that life would be different but i didnt have a clue that it would be this different. It has been 12 years since i chose to follow Jesus. Every years has bought with a challenge for me to conquer and heretofore i have ,by the power of God, conquered all. This time however in my early 20's i find myself in place that is not a challenge to my faith as it is a test. Which i dont believe has ever happened to me not atleast in this way. I am face to face with the very philospohical challenges to my faith. Questions like what happens to babies, people with mental retardations when they die do they go to hell? The question has been tentaviely answer as no. Jesus' sacrifice is far reaching. I am inclined to believe this is true. However the fact that very exist our experience this kinds of random order questions. My feeling now is not of the that particular intrest but it is in the truly knowing God.

In this is where my heart is troubled for good reasons. I believe that the lord has alotted me the opportunity to step away into the desert place with just him and i alone. I believe there is much to dicuss and much to be had in this time. From what here about it is quite the doozy for the persons physical body. Simple because it is a spirtual process. Im cutting off the TV and doing only the necessary. This time of seperation, i believe is necessary to come to the proper posture in Christ and that is leaning. Oh to lean on the savior and take him at his word. Nothing in my mind must be greater than his voice than his words, than his spirit than his philospohy on life.

This time will certainly unviel the false things i am believeing about Christ and the way he works. Surely i will be fortified and pressed into my destiny. This place is for me and for me alone. In this i rejoice and at this i weep. Because it spell death for everything that is not like HIM. My rejoicing is complete. I weep because it is at time of death.

Hebrews 12:1-3
1 Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,
2 Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.
3 For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds.

It is in these things will i mediate as i wait on the lord.