This is a heartfelt sentiment.. I guess this doesn't change what is in front of me. Having the let someone go because of there unwillingness to see themselves is a tough thing to do.
On the other hand you actually become selfish if you don't let them go. Its not like ther blindness is just affecting you. Its affecting them too in ways they cannot even begin to comprehend. Simply because they can not see themselves.
Love is not stupid and does not seek its own. What does that even mean anymore? Where does that phrase fit in with personal reality of human life on life experience. Should I look at my relationship with God?
When I didnt see myself in front of Him, He kept giving me truth and love and often times correction. Consistent, patient and loving corrective truth and love. I dont know how he can stand the sight of me. Well yes i do it because of Christ. Otherwise i would be like a puff of vapor.
Relentless my lord is in the midst of this reality. He keeps calling out to me when i have gone astray only to arrive to leave again. Tired the back and forth is causing mental strain. It seems as if its not hurting anyone but me.
I lack the basic ablity to turn this into my relationships with the people around me. Maybe I have a hint of just mental awaress of this perfect love that has been manifest through the laying down of Christs' life. Maybe i need to go back and get it again.
Even if that is true what of my love and my love life. It would seem that i would have to lay it down so i can pick up. How utterly beyond logic that is. But i guess this is the way he expresses his love. Jesus said "No greater love than this that he would lay down his life for a friend."
There in lies my motivation. I am laying down this life to get better for myself, because way i am functioning is sick and backwards. What make reality such a jerk is that it is not its approach to wrong thinking. It will mercilessly remind of what needs to be change and attack at the weakest point.
Here i lie on my face, screaming violently into the ground hoping someone hears me and can help. Like the Jerk life is does everything in its power to muffle. There is an ancient one who hears the silent screams and see beyond the facade of my self generated reality, when reality is hit home harder than Babe Ruth having the best game of His life.
My life i lay it down so I can pick up what i orginally had. What was the wife of my youth, or rather the life of my youth.
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